For her, life was funny, mysterious, and cruel all at the same time. In those brief moments, she found peace. Closing her eyes, she relaxed into the feeling of nothingness that surrounded her. There were times when, more than anything, she wished that she could simply disappear. She allowed her mind to drift towards the times when her children were much younger. She reflected upon the days of old. They had all been changed by this situation. Their quizzical natures had been tainted by the inevitable harsh realities they now faced. Their world had diminished and with it, so too, had their innocence.
She snuggled underneath the warm blanket that covered her. She thought about how they would all sleep in her bed. She used to call it, sleeping in synchronicity. They were like puzzle pieces, but somehow they all fit. She remembered their hot little hands on the base of her neck, and how peaceful they looked when they slept. She loved them dearly. She knew they loved her too. The promise of their eventual independence had distracted her and now, she realized just how fortunate she had been. Hope then was heralded by the promise of tomorrow. Yet now, she found herself peering back into the past, to find the strength to make it through the day.
Turning slightly on her side, she rested her head upon one of the many pillows that surrounded her. As she drifted in and out of a semi-conscious brain state, her thoughts found their way to her middle son. He was more like her than any of her other children. They were connected on a much deeper level. As he aged, so too, did his ability to peer into the thoughts and minds of others. He had inherited her “gift” but had no idea what to do with it. Things of and in the world fascinated him to the extent that he found routines excruciating. His rebellion was truly all about him. In actuality, he was fighting against the inevitability of always being different from everyone else. It saddened her to think that this too, would be the case for him. He was a indeed a little boy lost in the world of his own creation. She wanted to save him, but realized that he too must find his way along life’s path.
Her introspection was instantly interrupted as the littlest one landed precisely between her mother and the wall of pillows that encircled her. “Mommy, we get the kitties today!” The littlest one’s happiness was evidenced by her laughter. She was a muse, whose elf like spirit and gregarious nature did not allow those in her presence to feel anything other than content. “Yes” she said softly, ” the kitties come home today.”
She sat up slowly and began to stretch. Rising from the comfort of her queen -sized bed, she made her way to into the bathroom. As she brushed her teeth, she thought about how completely all alone she had felt. She remembered the sinking feeling that had consumed her the day she realized that paying the kennel bill was no longer something she could do. In only one, of the many dark hours that she faced during that time, she prepared herself to accept yet another defeat. This time, however, was different. A friend (and former colleague) offered to take care of the kennel bill. She was besides herself with joy. Her friend refused to accept or listen to her talk about repaying the loan. Someone doing something nice for her was a new experience. Until recently, she had been the one upon whom others could depend. There were simply no words great enough to express how this simple act of kindness and generosity had restored her faith. She began to think that perhaps, God had been listening after all. ©