Rise and Shine

7 SIGNS OF HYPOCRITES AND THE PEOPLE THEY TARGET

thisblackwomansopinion:

Just because a relationship isn’t “as bad” as the one you had before, doesn’t mean that it’s good. Emotional abuse is extremely difficult to detect early on, and it isn’t always accompanied by physical abuse. In short, just because you aren’t getting hit, doesn’t mean that you aren’t getting hurt.

Originally posted on Preyed on by a Narcissistic Psychopath:

“Being a practiced liar doesn’t mean you have a powerful imagination. Many good liars have no imagination at all; it’s that which gives their lies such wide-eyed conviction.” — Philip Pullman, The Golden Compass

Hypocrites groom you to become hyper-aware of your own minor (or non-existent) wrongdoings, while actively dismissing anything that they themselves are doing wrong. First they relocate blame—then, your conscience does the rest of the work for them. Hypocrites are experts at blaming others, while empathetic people are experts at blaming themselves. The more of their poison you absorb, the more you start to doubt yourself, thereby making you more vulnerable to more poison. These dynamics leave you feeling self-conscious, inferior, insecure, and like nothing you do will ever be good enough—like someone is always judging you. You become a perfectionist, terrified that you might have actually become all of these things you’ve been accused of. (

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Grits & Grief..

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The other morning while having breakfast with two of my three daughters – it occurred to me that I don’t make grits anymore.This seemingly insignificant revelation caught me completely by surprise. My youngest daughter ordered them with her breakfast – I asked her if she even knew what they were. “Yes Mommy – you used to make them a lot. I really like them – but you don’t make them anymore.” I sat silently. I struggled to remember – then it hit me. The last two times I made grits happened on Mother’s Day 2011 and on January 6th 2012.

Mother’s Day 2011
The only thing more difficult than trying to find ways to make Mother’s Day special, was knowing it would (probably) be our last. The stroke that had paralyzed the right side of her body, had also taken away her ability to speak and swallow. More than that, it had taken away her zest for living.

January 6th 2012

It was Winter break.
The Natives were sleeping in. Knowing that they would be at home (again) while I was working, weighed heavily on my mind. By now they were well versed in the difficulties of being reared by a divorced/single parent – even so – on that day – I wanted it to be different.

Mother's Day 2011
They called it "emotional incontinence." She would become inconsolable and at times, assaultive and combative. The nurses speculated that she may have had another stroke but since she had not yet regained her ability to speak, no one really knew.

January 6th, 2012
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Grits, scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage, bacon, pancakes – and all from scratch! Laughing to myself, I carefully arranging the food on the plates, and threw my hands up in the air and pretended that I had just completed the “Chopped” competition. When they came downstairs, they would know that this morning, they were on my mind, and they were loved.

Mother’s Day 2011
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Any rehabilitative progress that had been made in the weeks following stroke was now, almost completely non-existent. Hard to imagine that this was the same person who, only weeks earlier had been able to take a few steps (with assistance) sit up, a smile. She now appeared vacant and, like the hope that I had had for any type of recovery, lost.

January 6th, 2012
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The breakfast that awaited them was more than they had imagined. Not only was there plenty for them – but I had made enough for their friends as well. Knowing they would eat a hearty substantial breakfast made the fact that they would (most likely) spend the day at home playing video games and surfing the internet a little better. They might have become bored – but at least they would not be hungry.

Mother’s Day 2011
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The grits had to be perfect. I made them just the way that she liked – extra butter and a little heavy cream. The dish was still warm as I carried it down the nursing home corridor. I was thankful that nobody noticed. I was prepared to tell them that the contents of the dish were intended for me, but was very glad that I didn’t have to.

January 6th, 2012
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Returning from work to the sounds of the video games, music, and laughter had become the norm. Seeing my sons and their friends camped out in the family room, was an every day occurrence. Tonight however,The conversation had been about the surprise breakfast – how much they enjoyed it and how their favorite restaurant "didn't have anything on me."

Mother's Day 2011
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She smiled when she heard my voice. She tried to speak – but (in the same way that it had been since the stroke) was unable to. I attempted to ascertain what she was trying to say, but (as had been the case since that dreadful day in February) was reduced to telling her that I loved her, while she held my hand and smiled. Today, however, was different. I told her that I had a surprise for her. That – especially since it was Mother’s Day, I had made her a very special treat. She was quite childlike in her expression. Her smile grew and she held my hand even tighter. I teased her a bit – asking her if she wanted to know what it was. She nodded her head, continued to grasp my hand, smiled, and tried even harder to speak.

January 6th 2012

As they grew older, I began to cherish the time that we spent together. That they felt comfortable bringing their friends home was more than all right with me. Telling that I loved them each day was customary, but knowing where they were each night was comforting. I paused for a moment, and then, before heading upstairs for the night, took in the moment. My daughters laughing at something someone said, my sons and their friends playing video games and texting – everyone content in the place that we called home. I don’t remember how long I stood there looking at them – but I do remember wishing that I could freeze that moment in time.

Mother’s Day 2011
“Made you some grits Gumby Girl – just the way you like them.” Her joy was apparent as she opened her mouth. I placed a tiny bit on the spoon. We had to be careful because, although she could now swallow, she could only take in a little at a time. She liked them. She was happy. They were warm and she was content. I wiped them away from her chin. She didn’t mind, she simply held her mouth open and motioned for more. She didn’t eat much – but for her – especially in her current condition – four or five tablespoons was quite a bit. We laughed – as I told her that I would now dispose of the remaining grits – as not to get in trouble by the nursing staff. After doing so, I sat with her, touched her face, quietly played the music that she enjoyed, held her hand, and watched her drift off to sleep.
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She died (at home with us ) a few weeks later. 

January 6th, 2012

The high pitched sound of the telephone startled me. Initially, I wasn’t going to answer it. To be more accurate – I couldn’t find it and by the time I did – the ringing had stopped. I didn’t recognize the number and (after cursing the no named individual who would call at 4:00am and NOT leave a message) laid back down. I closed my eyes, got comfortable, and was again, awakened by the phone. This time, however, I was prepared. Whomever it was that was prank calling me (especially at this hour) was really going to get a piece of my mind. It was my intention to sound as irritated as possible when I answered – however, the voice on the other end took me by surprise. “I am from the trauma unit – your sons have been involved in an extremely bad car accident.” This practical joke has gone too far. I was livid! Some things you simply don’t joke about and this was definitely one of them. I informed the woman on the phone that my sons were both sleeping soundly. I was about to really let her have it, when she called them by name. She said that they had both been admitted, that my younger son was ICU and that I needed to get there “ASAP.” Somehow found myself in the kitchen telling my oldest daughter that I would call when I knew something – and reassuring her that everything would be all right. As I hugged her – I eyed them empty box of Grits sitting on a pile of refuse in the kitchen trash can and immediately began to feel the ground give way beneath me.

I don’t make grits.

I don’t like them anymore.
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“Today”

Martial arts is a moving meditation within which there are many metaphors.  See – hear – feel – experience all that is – only then will you begin to comprehend all that you are!

Watch -  Relax – Breathe – Let Go -
Release!

“Be thankful…”

“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”
Be grateful!

Experience EVERY DAY…

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This day is yours and yours alone.  Do with it what you will. No matter what you do – or do not do – this day – this time – this  moment – will never come again. Experience EVERY DAY as if it were your last. Look around and see that all you really have to do is “JUST BE.”

Journey of 1000 miles…

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When you find yourself in a difficult situation, ask yourself the following questions;

How can I become better as a result of this experience?

What is it about this experience that troubles me?

How do I feel when I think about that?

When have I felt that way before?

Asking and answering these questions is the first step in your change process, and since “the journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step” you are well on your way!

Holiday Hell…

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Do you feel trapped in a Holiday Hell? Has the “Spirit of the Season” left you feeling less than social? Do people you know call you “Scrooge” behind your back? Does “Silent Night” for you mean you wish that everyone would be quiet and leave you the hell alone? If you answered yes to one or more the following questions – this post is for you. Breathe – Relax – Relinquish the need to be perfect and experience the ability to “just be.” Laugh at yourself. Smile. Make merriment in your own unique way. The season was never meant to be anything more than a time to appreciate what is. So high five yourself. You don’t have to be religious to celebrate the fact that you’ve made it through another year. For all that it wasn’t, it really wasn’t that bad because you’re still here.  So, give yourself a break – HAVE NO FEAR – when things get you down – break out the mistletoe – and show em some holiday CHEER!
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Only you…

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The conditions of your life are created, little by little, with everything you do, and everything you say.

Think only good things about yourself and others and  be kind with your words along the way.

Celebrate life’s small victories and learn to love yourself more and more each day.

Ready, Set, Relax

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Cherish this day. For everything that it is not,  it is in fact YOURS! Things may not always happen the way that you want them too, but rest assured, they are indeed happening the way that you need them. Life lessons are all around us. When you are able and ready to take in the answers you seek, they will appear. Until then,relax, learn, let go, and most of all JUST BE.

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